If I am honest, I don’t want to write this post. And I wasn’t going to. But I feel like this is what God wants me to do, and so I must walk in humility and obedience.

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about how God had healed my knee. One day I was on crutches, the next day I wasn’t, and since then I have been without crutches, free to walk, go up and down stairs, and just generally do everyday things that I couldn’t do before. I’ve been feeling great.

But yesterday I went to see the physiotherapist and it’s safe to say she was not as impressed with my progress as I have been. She basically told me that despite me now walking without crutches, there has actually been very little improvement in terms of my knee, and that the way I am currently walking is unsafe and causing more damage. In technical terms, I currently have a 10° lag in my knee, which means that my knee isn’t locking properly, and isn’t being fully supported, and so is aggravating the ligaments and tendons. Until I have a 0° lag, my walking is unsafe and I am in danger of causing more damage. Bummer.

It’s safe to say that this has been a major disappointment and frustration. I have been feeling so good these past few weeks and I genuinely believed that my knee was getting better. So to then be told that actually I had been fooled into thinking this because I could walk without support was difficult to hear. Firstly, because it means that I still have a long road ahead towards my recovery, including lots more physio, ice packs and hard work! But more significantly because, I really believed that God had healed me, but it turns out that He hadn’t as much as I thought.

Now that doesn’t mean to say that I no longer believe that God healed me. I know some people would probably try to argue that He hadn’t, but I do still believe that He brought some healing. One day I was in pain and needed crutches, the next day I didn’t. And the only explanation that I have for that is God. Why He didn’t heal me completely I don’t know. But what I do know is that for the past couple of weeks I have been living in far more freedom than I was before, being able to walk from my house to base every day without crutches, and that has been a massive blessing to me.  So yes, it’s a disappointment, and yes it’s frustrating that I still have a long way to go. And it’s true that I don’t have all of the answers.

To make matters even more complicated, I may need to start paying for my treatment in the near future. Up until this point, I have been covered by reciprocal health where Australia and the UK have an agreement between the two countries. But this won’t cover physiotherapy, which is what I now need on a weekly basis, and it seems unlikely that my health insurance will cover the cost because I received the injury before I arrived in the country. How much this will cost me I have no idea, so I am currently holding my breath to see if a massive medical bill will arrive in the post. The situation is less from ideal.

In 6 weeks’ time I am going to be getting onto a plane and flying to Nepal to preach the gospel, engage in Mercy Ministries and share the love of God with a nation that so desperately needs to hear the truth of God’s word. Will I still be in pain and having problems with my knee? I don’t know. Will I be hundreds of dollars out of pocket from paying medical bills? Maybe. Again, I don’t know. But this is what I do know. My God is faithful. And He is way bigger than any physiotherapist diagnosis or knee injury. And He is able. Will He heal my knee completely? I hope so! But even if He doesn’t, He is still strong and mighty to save. And yes, travelling to Nepal could be risky and could cause more difficulties, in the same way that travelling here to Australia so soon after my accident was a risk. But if nothing else, I am convinced that God has called me here to this place, for this time. And no matter what happens, there is no better place to be than walking in obedience in the will of God.

So I leave you now with the lyrics of one of my favourite worship songs, which seems to me to be rather fitting for this moment. And I hope that you will join with me in praying that whatever is yet to come, His name will be glorified. Amen.

[Verse 1:]
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

[Verse 2:]
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me, Lord, through the flame

[Chorus:]
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

[Verse 3:]
And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

[Chorus:]
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

[Bridge 4x:]
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

[Chorus 2x:]
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

[Verse 4:]
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow